08 _Who should help

We shouldn’t assume, or hope others will act

You might have heard of the Bystander Effect. This is a consistently observed phenomenon in human behaviour that when someone needs help, most people do nothing due to:

  • Fear of making it worse.

  • Fear of being made responsible for the outcome.

  • Fear of becoming responsible for the other person.

  • Fear of making a mistake.

  • Fear of embarrassment.

  • Lacking knowledge, skill and confidence to help.

  • Hoping and/or assuming someone else will help.

It is important you realise this part of human nature and ensure when you notice someone is at risk, you do not wait for someone else to do something. Instead, take personal responsibility to just ask a few questions and make a call or two. No one else may have noticed the risk or the person may only have communicated their intent and thoughts to you.

  • If you find it too difficult to follow these steps, find someone else who can. If the person does not feel comfortable speaking with you about their feelings, ask who else they could talk to and contact them.

  • It is okay to break confidentiality if someone’s life may be in danger.

  • Remember: while it is important to try and be part of suicide prevention efforts, someone else’s thoughts and actions are not your fault or within your control. You can simply ask, refer and follow-up as explained next, then you have done what you can.  

  • Don’t wait for someone else to do something.

  • If we all wait, nothing happens leaving persons in distress vulnerable.

  • Take any small step you can or ask someone else to step in.

 
  •  Treat the person with care and compassion.
  •  Do not tell them to stop being a stupid or selfish, or a coward, etc. If you make them feel bad for experiencing distress, they are likely to withdraw further and not ask for help or trust you and potentially others in future. The more isolated a person is, the higher their risk.

“Speak, even if your voice shakes.”

-Dolly Everett